Through the Eyes of a Child

For people looking from the outside into the world of hospice chaplaincy for children, it would seem as though we had a rough day today.  A nine year old girl I had spent quite a bit of time with passed away today.  It's hard to describe the experience as a whole, but I'm going to do the best I can here.  To understand my point of view, you have to first understand where these children have been, as opposed to where they are going.  Through the grace of God, I do the best I can to walk along these children, their families, and their caregivers, comfort them, console them, and bring them whatever amount of happiness I can during the absolute worst times of their lives.  The pain and fear these children face on a daily basis continues to amaze me.  They face procedures grown adults would not be able to get through, screaming and crying all the way, but they get through them.  They endure countless surgeries, endless side effects, and medications that make them unbelievably sick.  More often than not, their parents stay in the waiting room, crying, knowing their children are suffering, but they can't bring themselves to comfort their children because they can't bear to see their babies in pain.  It is a daily struggle for all concerned, ending only when the Lord decides to call his beautiful little servant home.

So, this is what the child is leaving behind.  If I am sad when a child dies, it's only for myself.  I grow to love each and every one of these children as if they were my own, and every time one of them dies, a small piece of my heart that belonged to that child dies right along with them.  I can't adequately describe the experience of watching a child when he is having his first look at Heaven with his own eyes.  There is a look of amazement and peace, unlike he has ever experienced on earth.  And yes, I am grateful for that.  I'm grateful God's faithful little servant is finally finding peace beyond anything he could have imagined.  I'm grateful to be able to see the children in peace and contentment, instead of in fear and in agonizing pain.  I am grateful he is out of pain, and I'm grateful he doesn't have to be afraid anymore.  And I'm grateful knowing, time and time again, that there is a beautiful and glorious place called Heaven; knowing that, whatever I experience here on earth, will eventually melt away and I will be renewed in His love mercy and grace in a place so beautiful and peaceful I can't even begin to comprehend the extent of it.