Anyone who has Facebook knows I've been having a difficult time lately. Call it culture stress, call it life stress. I've been having difficulties with the house I'm living in, and am currently looking for a new house to move to. Whatever. I had been choosing to grouse and complain and wallow in the difficult stuff so much, I was neck deep in self pity so thick it was virtually impossible to notice all of the Lord's blessings all around me. The other day, I was hand feeding a banana to a woman who was so severely burned, she couldn't move at all. She told me that, until that moment, she didn't know God loved her. Outwardly, I thanked her for such a beautiful compliment. Inwardly, her comment lit on me like biting down on a sensitive tooth. It was true for me, too. It is so easy for me to share God's love for others. But, when it comes to myself, well, that can be a different story.
This morning, I realized that I allowed my self pity to grow to such a state that I really didn't want to do anything at all. Check it out: I ALLOWED it to grow to such a state where I felt the only thing I could do was just lay in my bed. There were many, many options I could have chosen to get my rear end off of the pity pot, but there I sat, choosing to be affixed to it. The one thing I did do was pray. Through the grace of a loving and merciful God, I was able to make it to church this morning. I really didn't want to go, which is always an indication for me that I need to go. As always, the message was incredible and cut me right to the quick. God is in control. Even when we think He's not working, He is. We just have to be still and listen, and discover the way He wants us to go. So, sitting there in church, still affixed to the pity pot, I asked Him. I have a furlough coming up in June, and I've been struggling to decide if I am going to remain in the states or return to Kenya to continue the work I am doing here. It's been a struggle that I've mainly kept private until now, because I've been afraid to put it into words.
God didn't answer me right away. Normally, He never does. God works on us all in different ways, and one of the things He is working on with me is patience. After the service ended and I had received prayer, I started to leave the courtyard to go home. However, I felt the urge to hang out and mingle for a while, so I turned around and went back to the crowd. I approached a woman I knew, but never really approached in a social setting. She had been generous in giving some informational material for parents about having a child with cancer. Out of the blue, she told me she had something for me. She handed me a blue bag, and inside were some more informational pamphlets to share. She didn't know it then, and she doesn't know it now, but that small stack of pamphlets effected me in such a way I'm sure she never considered. Those pamphlets were my affirmation from the Lord that I am exactly where He wants me to be, and I am doing exactly what He wants me to do.
About an hour later, I found myself at a church service held in an orphanage. As many a mzungu (white person) knows, most often when they are visiting a service of some sort they are asked to speak with absolutely no preparation. You would think that by now, I would be prepared for this, but no. I always rely on the Holy Spirit to give me the right words to address the audience. This afternoon, I was surprised to find myself telling twenty young, eager, listening eyes and ears that God loved them, and and He has a plan for them, and to not be afraid. Just a recap here: About three hours prior, I was affixed to the pity pot wondering if I should give up and leave Kenya all together....three hours later I was telling a group of orphans God loved them, that He had a plan, and to not be afraid. Holy smokes!
I hope I'm getting my point across here that donations don't just affect the person who is receiving them. They really have the potential of doing so much more than that. When you give to a ministry, you are affirming God's purpose for the life of the person running the ministry. You are gracing that person with your love and encouragement, which in turn, through the grace of God, affirms God's purpose in our lives, and motivates us to continue doing His work, regardless of the difficult situations life can hand us at times. God's love is never linear. It is an unending circle that flows from one person to the next. It is so amazing and so perfect it effects people in ways we could never possibly imagine. Thank you all for your encouragement, your affirmations, and sharing God's love with all of us. We ALL are blessed by you.
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