There's got to Be More to Life Than This......

.....while I was living in the states, that is the thought I had, constantly.  There has to be more to life than this. While I was talking with a mentor yesterday, I realized that for the first time, I haven't had that thought once since moving to Kenya.  A woman shared with me a story yesterday. It was a parable from the book The Dream Giver.  A man named Ordinary lived in the land of Familiar.  Every day was routine.  He would go to work, go out for drinks with friends, the come home.  One day, he found a white feather, and he didn't know what to do with it.  His father told him that he had once found a white feather, and hadn't done anything with it.  The white feather was a his dream.  His father told the man to do something with the white feather, for him.

I truly feel like I have found my white feather here in Kenya.  It's an incredibly scary and daunting thing, putting down roots in another country, thousands of miles away from everything comfortable and familiar.  After this furlough to the states, I don't know when I will be able to go back.  I know it will not be at least for several months, as I will have to save up again.  And if things go sour here, I stand to loose so much.  My ministry, my friends, my dogs, my home, basically, the life I've worked so hard to create for myself.  These thoughts and fears have been running through my mind constantly.  Initially, it would be easier to just stay in the states, and let's be honest, probably a lot safe, too.  However, sometimes "easier" and "safer" isn't always "better".  I've always loved the underdog, and stand up and cheer when the rise from adversity.  For me, the movie Rudy is the best example of that.  One of my favorite quotes from the movie is when he is leaving his best friend's funeral.  He tells his fiance that he's going to south Bend, to try to get into Notre Dame and play football, or he will never be good enough for her, or for himself.  Long before I knew I was going to be moving to Kenya, my dream was to open a no cost hospice/respite center.  Through His unimaginable mercy, grace, and love, God has presented me with the opportunity to live my dream.  God never gives us anything unless we ask for it, and He never forces anything on us.  He gives us opportunities, and then gives us the option to either take those opportunities or ignore them.  The one thing I know is this: Despite all of my fears, reservations, and concerns, if I don't use this opportunity the Lord has provided me to the best of my ability, and carry it out as far as it possibly can go, I will never be good enough for myself.  I will never be good enough for anyone else.  I will spend the rest of my life wondering if I could have done it, if I gave up too soon, if I gave into fear.  And even though life in Kenya can at times be uncomfortable and sometimes even downright scary, I realized I can't live the rest of my life wondering.  God gave me this incredible gift of a passion for loving people who are sick and dying, and having the opportunity to do so.  It is my responsibility to use this gift to the very best of my God given ability.  Anything else is simply unacceptable.