Facing Your Fears (Even in the cold!!!)

It can be a huge misconception that the weather in Africa is unbearably hot most of the time.  We only have  have two seasons here: the rainy season and the dry season.  It does get hot, yes, but when you wake up in the morning, inevitably you are almost always faced with a cold day.  I'm not talking about a little chilly....I mean it's so cold you can see your breath.  I try to leave the house around eight o clock in the morning, right in the thick of the coldness.  Although the coldness can be more than I can bear at times, especially living in the hills, during the dry season I never bring any sort of jacket with me.  I rely on the fact that, within an hour or two, the sun will brighten and warm everything around me, and I won't need it. And 99.9% of the time, I am right.  The sun comes out, everything is warm, and I don't have the extra load of carrying around something I don't need.

How many of us are carrying around things we don't need?  Things we are afraid to give up because of what "might" happen?  There is a lesson I seem to be in constant need of reminding.  First and foremost, my mind has the uncanny ability of immediately jumping to the worst case scenario, the magnifying it times twenty.  And things are never as bad as they seem.  Secondly, the things I'm carrying around that need to be laid at the feet of God are not the things I need.  I may think I need them but, when I am finally ready to lay my burden down, God shows me that the things I thought I needed were things I never needed at all.  In fact, these things were hurting me instead of helping me.

There is a major part of my life that has left an important piece of me broken. It has prevented me from fully sharing His love, mercy and grace He has been so desperately trying to give to me all these years because it has prevented me from fully receiving it. I have clung onto this part of my life for so long, it's become like a security blanket.  I almost don't know who I am without it.  Through my journey of healing, change and growth, God has, in His ever kind, loving and gentle manner, shown me the things I need to give to Him.  This part of my life has festered in my soul for years, preventing me from changing and growing in my faith.  Over time, I have used people, places and things to balm the wound, but it has never truly healed because I never wanted to give it up.  That is the only true way for the soul to heal: you must give all of your wounds over to the Lord.  All of your pain, all of your hurt, all of your anger, all of your resentment must be given over to Him, fully and completely without reservation or hesitation.  That is why Jesus died on the cross for us.  He gave us the incredibly selfless gift of not only dying to pardon our sins, but also to take all of our hurt and pain upon Himself.  He gladly takes anything we want to give to Him; but therein lies the key, we want to have to give it to Him. He won't take anything that isn't offered to Him. Even though it is incredibly scary, I'm finally ready to give all of my hurt and anger to Him.  I'm ready to lay it down at His feet and be done with it.  I know what harboring resentment and anger and hurt can do.  I've seen lives destroyed because of it, and I refuse to allow satan to destroy my life.  Whatever happens to me from letting go of the anger and resentment cannot be any worse than harboring it inside.  

Now, here's the thing; just because I don't bring a jacket with me, I always bring an umbrella.  Even if there isn't a cloud in the sky, an umbrella is always by my side because you never know when it might rain.  The same can be said for laying down your burdens.  When you finally let go, you need to take with you the shield of the Lord to protect you.  The desire of the enemy is to destroy anything that is a pathway to God's love, mercy and grace, including God's children.  Plain and simple: we just can't completely and fully give ourselves to others and be clear pathways of God's love, mercy and grace if we are harboring things inside of us that are preventing us from receiving God's love in the first place.  I tried that for years, and I know others who have as well.  Please trust me when I tell you, it simply can't be done.  We can have all of the best intentions in the world; but if any one thing inside ourselves is preventing us from receiving the complete splendor of God's love, mercy and grace, how can we expect to be able to fully extend it to others?  It's like giving someone an expensive present with the part missing that needs to be there to make it work,  and expecting the person to fix it himself before he can use it.  There is a woman in my life who has walked closely with me on this journey of healing this part of me.  On Monday, we are going to light a fire and put all of my hurts, angers, and resentments into it and finally put this part of my life to rest, once and for all.  It's funny;  I thought I'd be too scared and stubborn to want any part of it.  But even though I've clung to this part of my life like a security blanket, I honestly and truly couldn't be happier to throw it away, once and for all.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my shield and the horn of my salvation,". Psalm 18:2  That's all any of us really need to know.