Christine

The house seems to be a little more quiet and empty without Christine.  There was a lot of time, money and effort involved in having Christine in my home, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.  I miss her.  It broke my heart having to return her to her home in the slums.  The anger, guilt and grief were so acute that it was difficult for me to function.  All I really could do was pray.  I prayed for a day or two about the situation, and asked others to pray for me and for Christine as well.  I actually had contemplated bringing Christine to Sophie's Place to live until she died.  Ultimately, the Lord helped me come to the decision to continue giving Christine hospice care in her own home.  It wasn't an easy decision to make.  It would have been so easy for me to just swoop down like a superhero, gather her up and bring her here.  But in my heart, I knew that was not what God wanted.  I didn't know why God didn't want that for her.  For a while, satan was beating on my ego and trying to convince me that the reason God didn't want her here was because God felt I couldn't handle it, or because I was selfish and didn't want the responsibility.  I do admit that part of my decision was based on the fact that it would be very difficult and risky for me to have a Kenyan die in my home.  Part of me was afraid of the ramifications and backlash.  However, as always, God's amazing love and grace helped me see the bigger picture beyond myself and my circumstances.  Once again I have humbly learned, it's not all about me.
Christine is now going to have a myriad of women, all different ages and different walks of life, bringing all different kinds of gifts and talents, surrounding her, loving her, praying for her, and supporting her.  Women from all over the world will come to share God's love, mercy and grace.  If I am to be completely honest, I don't believe Christine could have received the full magnitude of benefits from the experience if she had stayed at Sophie's.
Every single encounter I have with a dying person brings with it a wealth of knowledge and insight that is more valuable to me than any other gift I have ever received.  I was so angry when the hospital refused to admit Christine.  I knew God had a reason, but I couldn't see it.  Now I know.  Her body was not meant to be healed; it was her heart and her spirit that needed the healing.  Whatever God chooses for Christine, she will know she is loved.  She will get to experience God's unconditional love in such a way that she couldn't experience any other way than where she is right now.  Christine taught me that we are never alone in our desires to share God's love, mercy and grace to help heal each other.  We are all part of the healing process.  Loneliness and aloneness are very potent and very dangerous tools of satan to deter us from God's plan.  Not only because the task before us might seem daunting and insurmountable.  But also because, in taking on the task ourselves, we readily dismiss the God given gifts and talents of others when we try to do things on our own.  By ignoring the gifts and talents of others, we prevent the Holy Spirit from displaying its full potential of unconditional love, mercy and grace.  Not only for the affected person, but also for the many people involved in the caring and sharing.
This week, the enemy socked me in the stomach with guilt, shame and remorse.  He tried to beat me down.  And he tried to beat Christine down. But, at the end of the day, God's love, mercy and grace won, as it always does, and we are all stronger for the experience. We are all precious in the eyes of the Lord.  To believe anything else is not God's will for us.  Nothing, nothing done in God's favor is ever done in vain.  Absolutely no amount of giving, big small or in between, is ever wasted.  It may not be God's will to heal Christine's body.  But He is healing her heart and her spirit through the unconditional love, mercy and grace of an amazing group of women we are so blessed to have on this earth.
   "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,"
-Proverbs, 31:30